Monday, May 28, 2007

Attack of the Serial Reporters

There is a certain breed of gamer who's sole mission is to ruin the fun of others. Many doing overtly by trolling or ganking or even cheating. We all agree that these people are douchebags. However, there is a special place in hell reserved for the people who do their dirty troll work covertly. I am referring to the people who scan general chat all day looking for something to report.

They get their kicks by finding the most minor language or naming violation and reporting it. Every single one they see. There are people who submit 5-10 petitions a day, all for bullshit harassment. Most of the time, they start it, but they know enough about the policy to not say any vulgar language. They also report name after name. Half of the time, the shit they report isn't even a violation, so it ends up just wasting everyones time.

GM: Hello Player, this is Game Master #####. How are you
doing today?

Player: omg
GM: !
Player: I have been waiting so effing long for you to respond
GM: I apologize for the wait. How may I assist you today?
Player: do you know how boring it is to watch dueling while
waiting for you?
Player: yeah
Player: so
Player: blizzard should be ashamed of how many bad names
there are oiut here
Player: i mean
Player: chubfish?
Player: sorry, im really upset about a name i saw
Player: hello?
GM: For future reference, you may put the offending players
name straight into the in-game petition so we make take
care of it even if we get your petition whil you are offline.

Player: future reference? im level 60 dude. i didnt want to get
the gm blowoff
Player: i ensured i got to talk to someone
Player: cuz this is rediculous
Player: i wanted to talk to a gm, not a bot. are you a bot?
Player: hello??
GM: Was chubfish the only name you would like to report?
Or is there another?

Player: are you a bot?
GM: Sometimes.
Player: sometimes?!?
Player: wtf does that mean?
Player: are you there gm?
Player: dood
GM: Yes, I am waiting for you to give me the names that you
wanted to report.

Player: you are a rude gm
Player: fine
Player: ovardose - my mom died of one man. i dont wanna see
that shit.
Player: name ovardose
Player: others are
Player: rauctioneer - just wrong
Player: rasputint - stupid name in general
Player: fungus - drug reference
Player: thapope - dood just change that
Player: blackapple - racial
Player: fromus - looks like forums
Player: and THEN
Player: ippex spammed spit on Abdbkjashdkj
Player: Rippex
Player: sorry
Player: rippex spammed on that dood with a name that is
Player: so change tyhat opne too
Player: that one
Player: asdbkjashdkj
Player: thats the last name
GM: Alright.
Player: alright what?
GM: Due to privacy concerns we will not be able to inform
you of any action taken on these players. However, we
will investigate them immediately and take the
appropriate actions.

Player: whatever
GM: Thank you for taking the time to submit this report.
GM: Is there anything else I may assist you with today?

Player: yeah
Player: why do gms suck?
Player: you arent even talking to me like a real person
GM: <3
Player: wtf?
Player: i dont want to kiss you lamo
GM: Aww. Well are there any in-game issues I may assist you

Player: dude
Player: yea
Player: i want some god damn service
GM: I apologize if my service has been inadequate.
Player: go away
Player: i'm done with this
Player: you have made me lose faith in the gm staff
GM: Thanks for your time, then. Enjoy the game and have a
spectacular evening! :)

Player: wow

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