Friday, June 1, 2007

When Add-on's Attack!

There are some user interface mods that do some pretty cool shit. There are others that I am convinced are only created to give GM's headaches. You can't see your pet bar? Reset UI. You can't loot? Reset UI. I don't know what you just said? Reset UI.

Then there are add-on's that are just plain funny. Especially if you install them on your roommates computer without them knowing.

GM: Avast! This be Game Master #####. How are ye
doing this fine morn'?

Player: pissed off why be i talkin' like a pirate Arrr!
GM: Ah yes, I understand ye be having an issue with your
chat. How long has this been happening?

Player: since 10am
Player: it was cool at first but now noone be taking, yarrr, me
GM: Yarrr! Have ye recently installed any of those dastardly
User Interface modifications recently?

Player: not lately
GM: Is your chat affected outside of the game as well? Or is
this only in-game, where the battle
between Humans and Orcs rages on?!

Player: only in game
Player: i checked to see if anyone installed any modifications on
me computer and nothin' recently has been downloaded
Player: Me hearties! Dont get me wrong this pirate chat be cool
Player: just i want to be taken, yarrr, seriously Arrr!
GM: ::nods:: In order to get to the bottom of this issue. I
would like to provide ye with instructions on resetting
your User Interface.

Player: Begad! how do i do that
GM: Ahoy, to do this, you will need to exit the game mightily.
Go to the game directory and find 3 folders;
Wtf, Wdb, and Interface

Player: its an actually file?
Player: Begad! actual file*
GM: Aye. They are folders in the game directory.
GM: What you will need to do is delete or rename these
folders. You can rename them to Wtfold, Wdbold and

Player: how could this be a hardware problem though
GM: Hardware? No, these instructions are simply to reset the
User Interface in the game.

Player: just a question though
GM: Would you like me to be sendin' the instructions via
e-mail as well?

Player: Shiver me timbers! how be this pirate problem effectin'
me user interface whar that be only affected when i
Download stuff
Player: i assure ye i be not doin' this to piss ye off Arrr!
Player: i thought this war a punishment 'o some sort or a pirate
day that ye bamboozled folk do
GM: Yar. I'm not sure what the exact cause of the issue is.
Which is why we must reset the user interface first so we
can narrow down the possibilities.

Player: Avast! i assure ye its nothin' i downloaded
Player: and i dont believe ctraid and titan would affect me
GM: Yarrr, you must still reset that User Interface regardless.
Do you have time to do that now?

Player: ill try
Player: so i take what folders again and do what to them
GM Exit the game completely. Go to the game
directory and find 3 folders; WTF, WDB, and Interface
GM: Delete those folders and then launch the game using

Player: alrighty Arrr!
Player: thats it?
GM: Yarr.
Player: Me hearties! k Arrr!
GM: Arrr, I'll wait har and message you upon your return. Aye,
me parrot concurs.

Player: Begad! thats not funny
Player: dont mock me please
GM: Welcome back.
Player: yeah its gone
Player: thanks
GM: You're quite welcome. I'm glad we could resolve that. It
appears that, somehow, an add-on was installed that
altered your speech.

Player: is it illegal to do that
GM: To speak like a pirate?
Player: yeah to have a mod that alters your speech?
GM: Not at this time, but you would be held responsible for
anything that any addon may make you say that is in
violation of the harassment policy.

GM: Is there anything else I may assist you with today?
Player: no that will be all thank you mister GM
GM: Yarr. Thanks for your time, Keldaris. Enjoy the game
and have an excellent day! :)

Player: you too

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

GM and GM meet

If you whisper a GM and you get the auto reply message telling you to submit a ticket, it means that they don't have a chat window open with you. They are not in-game like regular players. They use a program that has chat windows much like instant messenger. It also does all the other cool stuff like kicking, banning, silencing or freezing you.

I would have loved to play more with this next guy, but I always want to keep action notifications short and sweet. They can't argue it in-game so its generally a bad idea to give them the notion that they are getting somewhere. Alternatively, I could have also given him a temporary ban for impersonating a GM, but I'm not that mean.

GM: Hello, Eleye. This is Game Master #####. I need a moment of your time.
Eleye: lol no u aint
GM: A character on this account has been found in violation of the Harassment Policy. Details have been sent to the registered email address of this Account.
Eleye: [GM] this is gm eleye
GM: Please refer to the email for any questions you may have, such as the methods of dispute. Unfortunately, I am not at liberty to discuss the details in-game.
Eleye: lol
Eleye: reporte for pretending gm
GM: I appreciate your understanding in this matter. Thank you for playing and have a good day.
Eleye: ty u 2
GM: Your feedback is highly valued. For any comments or concerns about the quality of service provided by our Customer Support Staff, please email us.
Eleye: om sure?
GM: Please submit a GM Ticket request if you need to speak to a GM.
Eleye: what if i am a gm also
GM: Please submit a GM Ticket request if you need to speak to a GM.
Eleye: haha
GM: Please submit a GM Ticket request if you need to speak to a GM.
Eleye: never
GM: Please submit a GM Ticket request if you need to speak to a GM.
Eleye: lol
GM: Please submit a GM Ticket request if you need to speak to a GM.
Eleye: haha nice try
GM: Please submit a GM Ticket request if you need to speak to a GM.
Eleye: wtf
GM: Please submit a GM Ticket request if you need to speak to a GM.
Eleye: what lv r u
GM: Please submit a GM Ticket request if you need to speak to a GM.
Eleye: ???
GM: Please submit a GM Ticket request if you need to speak to a GM.

Guild Chat: lol fuk those guys who pretend 2 be GM
Guild Chat: is ##### a GM
Guild Chat: he said im banded
Guild Chat: idk why

Monday, May 28, 2007

The Name Game

So many people try to get their names changed. Either they couldn't think of something at creation, or they scammed someone or are trying to hide, or maybe they just simply want a change. Only problem is, you can't. But this doesn't stop thousands of people to try it every day.

There are some pretty creative people out there who come up with elaborate reasons for name changes.

Player: i am here
Player: sorry had to get some soda
Player: hello
Player: I am here
GM: Hi
Player: sorry bout that
GM Not a problem ^_^. So what did you want to talk about?
Player: it is regarding my name
GM: Okay.
GM: Go ahead.

Player: when I first created my character I was a big partier and
drinker and since then I have gotten into trouble with
alcohol and I have gotten married and have turned over a
new leaf
GM: I see. Well thats good. I’m happy for you.
Player: i now go to church and I do not want my name to be
affiliated with alcohol
Player: if u go to u will see
GM: I see. Well, unfortunately, we are unable to change your
name as it does not violate any of our naming policies. I
apologize for not being able to assist you further =/. Was
there anything else you needed assistance with today?

Player: is advertising
Player: that is completely against policy I have read it
GM: I'm afraid it cannot be changed.
GM: Is there anything else I can help you with?

Player: so if I span www,ciroc,com it is not in violation
Player: i can promote my name
GM: I apologize but if you have no further issues, I'll need to
move on to assist other players.

Player: why cant u guys do me a favor
Player: i pay 15.00 a month and u cant even help me out
GM: It appears you have no further issues. I apologize again for
being unable to assist you further.
GM: Thank you for playing. Have a great day!

Player: asshoke
Player: u are an asshole
GM: Thats not a very nice thing to say. Especially for a church-going man.
Player: i do not understand how u even got hired
GM I'm a terrific GM. I'm sorry you feel differently.
Player: u cant help out someone with a simple click that u have to
GM: Hey, its not my rules. Take it up with the “man”.
Player: all i want to do is switch my name with another one of my
GM: Well, I'm sorry but I just can't do it.
Player: people get their name changed when they are called
GM: Have a good day!
Player: i am an alcoholic beverage name that is trademarked and u
wont even change it
GM: Your feedback is highly valued! For any comments or
concerns about the quality of service provided by our
Customer Support Staff, please email us!

Player: can i pay a service fee or something
GM: Nope. Afraid not. *waves goodbye*

The best is when you catch people in their lie and throw it back at them. We can see everything you have said in game, yet that doesn't stop people from asking for a name change, and at the same time chatting to their friends or guildmates about how everything they said in their petition was fake. Hey, guess what. I'm bored and I search that shit.

Shafiq whispers Rype: i think imma apply yo the wraith
Rype whispers Shafiq: with us dude..that would be great...
Shafiq whispers Rype: im just trying to get my name changed first so my mains guild wont get mad at me ...

Smooth move.

GM: Hello Shafiq, this is Game Master #####. How are you doing today?
Player: mehh
Player: how are u
GM: Pretty good. I have received your petition regarding a potential harassment situation. What are the names of the players that you feel are harassing you?
Player: man its people in vent, so in a 40 man raid i couldnt really tell u who
GM: Unfortunately I am unable to action against things said over a third party voice communication program.
Player: Is there anything i can do about my name since it is an ethnic name and i am getting harrasst for it?
Player: i hate for racism to get in the way of my gamingw
GM: Unfortunately there is presently no process for letting a player change their name, unless it violates our naming policy.
Player: i read in the naming policy about racism issuea, does this fall under that?
GM: Your name is not in violation of the policy.
Player: u dont know wat it is like to get made fun of in a game because of ur name. and then have the makers of the game say "There is nothing we can do to help u" i mean cmon man
Player: i have asked other ppl and they said a GM can help u change ur name to stop the issues at hand
GM: Just so you know, even if your name was changed, for anyone who has you on their friends list, their list would be updated to reflect the change.
GM: So they would still know that you are raiding with another guild.

Player: ok
GM: I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you, but your name can not be changed.
GM: Is there anything else I may assist you with today?
GM: I appreciate your understanding in this matter. Thank you for playing and have a good day.

Player: You judge me just like every1 else
GM: Your feedback is highly valued. For any comments or concerns about the quality of service provided by our Customer Support Staff, please email us.

Attack of the Serial Reporters

There is a certain breed of gamer who's sole mission is to ruin the fun of others. Many doing overtly by trolling or ganking or even cheating. We all agree that these people are douchebags. However, there is a special place in hell reserved for the people who do their dirty troll work covertly. I am referring to the people who scan general chat all day looking for something to report.

They get their kicks by finding the most minor language or naming violation and reporting it. Every single one they see. There are people who submit 5-10 petitions a day, all for bullshit harassment. Most of the time, they start it, but they know enough about the policy to not say any vulgar language. They also report name after name. Half of the time, the shit they report isn't even a violation, so it ends up just wasting everyones time.

GM: Hello Player, this is Game Master #####. How are you
doing today?

Player: omg
GM: !
Player: I have been waiting so effing long for you to respond
GM: I apologize for the wait. How may I assist you today?
Player: do you know how boring it is to watch dueling while
waiting for you?
Player: yeah
Player: so
Player: blizzard should be ashamed of how many bad names
there are oiut here
Player: i mean
Player: chubfish?
Player: sorry, im really upset about a name i saw
Player: hello?
GM: For future reference, you may put the offending players
name straight into the in-game petition so we make take
care of it even if we get your petition whil you are offline.

Player: future reference? im level 60 dude. i didnt want to get
the gm blowoff
Player: i ensured i got to talk to someone
Player: cuz this is rediculous
Player: i wanted to talk to a gm, not a bot. are you a bot?
Player: hello??
GM: Was chubfish the only name you would like to report?
Or is there another?

Player: are you a bot?
GM: Sometimes.
Player: sometimes?!?
Player: wtf does that mean?
Player: are you there gm?
Player: dood
GM: Yes, I am waiting for you to give me the names that you
wanted to report.

Player: you are a rude gm
Player: fine
Player: ovardose - my mom died of one man. i dont wanna see
that shit.
Player: name ovardose
Player: others are
Player: rauctioneer - just wrong
Player: rasputint - stupid name in general
Player: fungus - drug reference
Player: thapope - dood just change that
Player: blackapple - racial
Player: fromus - looks like forums
Player: and THEN
Player: ippex spammed spit on Abdbkjashdkj
Player: Rippex
Player: sorry
Player: rippex spammed on that dood with a name that is
Player: so change tyhat opne too
Player: that one
Player: asdbkjashdkj
Player: thats the last name
GM: Alright.
Player: alright what?
GM: Due to privacy concerns we will not be able to inform
you of any action taken on these players. However, we
will investigate them immediately and take the
appropriate actions.

Player: whatever
GM: Thank you for taking the time to submit this report.
GM: Is there anything else I may assist you with today?

Player: yeah
Player: why do gms suck?
Player: you arent even talking to me like a real person
GM: <3
Player: wtf?
Player: i dont want to kiss you lamo
GM: Aww. Well are there any in-game issues I may assist you

Player: dude
Player: yea
Player: i want some god damn service
GM: I apologize if my service has been inadequate.
Player: go away
Player: i'm done with this
Player: you have made me lose faith in the gm staff
GM: Thanks for your time, then. Enjoy the game and have a
spectacular evening! :)

Player: wow

I can not control the VOLUME of my TYPING

If you want to get anything done, under no circumstances should you send a help request through e-mail. You will 90% of the time get a form letter response that wasn't edited in any way. If you try to reply to it, it will get bounced around a bunch or just trashed w/out a response.

Part of the reason for this is because people send the most ridiculous shit and they don't include any of the important information that is actually needed to resolve the issue.

"Your good GM,I have do not seal the reading letter,But I now this kind of condition simply does not have the means to see to, also did not know is you issues me,Also must trouble you in your busy work,Really is embarrassed,But I reflected the situation also is continuing,The hope can be solved as soon as possible,Thanks!”

Gee, thanks?

"okay I have a very unique situation and I'll be very straight forward so you'll understand the full concept of the situation... I'm paralysed from neck down and I play wholly with a mouth stick which is a mouse...
what my ask is help with the quest with a quest reward I've long been awaiting please reply with a way I can achieve my goal."

L2Mouthstick. imo. tbh.


Thanks, but my Sunday would be better if I wasn't at work reading horseshit like this over and over and over.

"I was playing and get on my way to what I was before and then I guess I lost connation and wait tell I was abele to log on aging and I lost my connation aging and if I am going to pay 15 a MOUTH then you guys need to fund a better system of play. "

For reals?

“HEllo GM i like to report Kraytos i was in HE STUPID GROUP!
i was on my own and i know if no one around ! if ite drop i get it ...... well this NINJA! ROOLER come close to was in my group .....

1. GM did not even Put 1 god damn hit into mob

2 ,, where was he to be found i was 100hp to deaTH!

3... OH come up when 100hp close to Area around em for loot roll to happen and Win loot! THAT BULL SHIT!"

SORRY Blue item i been farming all day for what him to join for 2 sed NINJA ROLL ME! come on gm

Plz speak t”

Haha, reading this shit brings back memories. HORRIBLE MEMORIES.

Defraud of the Coin

Anyone who plays MMO's knows about the rampant gold farmer problem. While the in-game spam and the bot's stealing your camping spot can be annoying, they provide the best comical relief for a GM.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, the farmers decide that they need to dump an account and get it banned. I suspect this is because of competition within the gold farming game, and accounts get hijacked and banned to eliminate the competition. Regardless, the shit that they do to try to get banned is awesome. There will be blatant teleporting and speed hacking and the foulest language that they can find in their english translation dictionaries. Here are a few random conversations with our friends from the far east.

GM: Hello Player, this is Game Master #####. May I please have a moment of your time?
Player: fuck you
Player: fuck you GM
GM: I do not appreciate this language.
Player: 13736636233 L
GM: This account was reported using inappropriate language which violates our harassment policy. An e-mail has been sent with further information. At this time you are only receiving a warning.
Player: FUCK YOU FUCK !@#$%^&^%$@#@$#@%$#%$%^%^
Player: !@$$#%#@@#%#$#$%%#$%#$%$^$#@#@$#@$##$%$%$#%#$%#$$#$@#%
Player: hrb kteir;thuerhtjuilreuypoiewrjnhwqieufyi87y5k,njtl;jpuropitui
Player: cao ni mamm ni ma mei mao ni jiejei de bu huai l
GM: Why do you feel the need to use such language?
Player: yes fuk you
Player: cao ni mamm ni ma mei mao ni jiejei de bu huai l
GM: I would suggest refraining from using such language with a GM as it may result in action against your account.
Player: cao ni mamm ni ma mei mao ni jiejei de bu huai l
Player: fuk you fuk you
Player: GM i love you fuk you
Player: GM i love fuck you

Ah, good times. This next one ended up being two gold farmers who constantly reported eachother to get the other banned.

GM: Greetings Player, this is Game Master #####. Do you have a
moment to discuss your petition?
GM: Are you there Player?
GM: Are you there?

Player: you or ganize me
GM: I am not sure what you are asking.
Player: colcol ???????????????????
GM: What is the issue with Colcol?
Player: Defraud of the coin
GM: You were scammed by this player?
Player: ???????????
GM: How did he defraud of the coin?
Player: It is colcol in the game
Player: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GM: I understand. But what did Colcol do?
Player: yes!
GM: Ok, I will investigate the issue and take the appropriate
action. Thank you for the report.

Names have been changed to protect the innocent

This could be real, or fake... I don't care if you believe it.

Over the next few days I will share the most memorable moments of my previous job. Most of them probably wont make sense unless you are familiar with a certain video game. Enjoy.

(Legal disclaimer: this is all fake lolz!!1)